Is It Time to Spice Things Up?

An excerpt from my book “Spice Up Your Marriage in 7 Simple Steps” which can be purchased here

Come closer…even closer…that’s good. Here’s the secret to keeping the spice in your marriage. This one thing that very well may save a marriage headed for divorce or keep a marriage from ever getting there is…. are you ready?

SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER…

Back in the 70’s a group named Heatwave had a hit song entitled “Always and Forever.” Even to this day, it is a staple at wedding receptions. The very first line is what pulls me in. “Always and forever, each moment with you” and “every day love me your own special way.” Marriage and life are equally unique in that you have to look at them both from a macro and micro viewpoint.

Everyday moments are what create a lifetime of memories. So focusing on your collection of moments will impact your life in a magnificent and magical way. If you have enough good ones, you’ll look back and say you had a good life. The same type of reminiscing happens in a marriage. So it is critical that we infuse every moment with as much love, joy, patience, and intimacy that we can.

Spending time with your spouse is one of the most meaningful ways to connect. But not all time is created equally. Spending quality time is the key. Sitting on the couch watching TV together is not quality time. Being in the same room for hours immersed in separate activities is not quality time. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. It is focusing on your mate with everything you have. The connection born in quality time starts well before the quality time begins. The efforts you make while you are apart will impact the time you spend together.

“Everyday moments are what create a lifetime of memories. So focusing on your collection of moments will impact your life in a magnificent and magical way.”

The quality of time is not automatically measured in the quantity of time. There is something beautiful about eye contact between couples. Staring into someone’s eyes brings an intimacy and connection that is at first uncomfortable, but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. Try to make the extra effort to look into your mate’s eyes during your time together. It is a guaranteed way to leave a lasting effect if your time is short.

Go out of your way to be creative and do something to mix things up. Romance is essential. It doesn’t matter whether you have a romantic bone in your body or not, every relationship needs some degree of passion for survival. Romance will be different for each couple. You can define what romance is to you, but the key is, you must define it. Bypassing it or assuming your husband or wife doesn’t need it is a huge mistake. Quality time doesn’t have to be romantic, but the examples in this chapter are.

Examples

Play that song again

Music is a phenomenon that has a powerful and spiritual impact on us as humans. It crosses race, culture, and age. Skilled composers and lyricist manipulate our emotions in a way that sometimes can move us to tears. Use this to your advantage. Create a playlist of both of your favorite love songs, play them in a candlelit room while enjoying a glass of red wine and let the music set the atmosphere. You can just relax in each other’s arms and let the sounds soothe you. This is an activity that can span 20 minutes or a few hours and still be enjoyable.

Make love in the kitchen

Well, not literally, not yet. Food, much like music, has an emotional connection for most humans; and food made with love is always more enjoyable than take out. Cooking together can be incredibly arousing. Choose a meal that you like to eat when you go out and try to replicate it at home. It doesn’t matter how good it comes out, it’s the activity that will get the juices flowing. You can even start by taking a cooking class together. These classes can be found for minimal cost at your local community center or kitchenware retail store. Don’t have the dough? You can find free cooking lessons online. Serve up your masterpiece on your finest plates and serving dishes. Make it special. It doesn’t matter whether you drink wine, lemonade or water, pour it into beautiful wine glasses to add a special touch. There is something sexy about the candlelight bouncing off the stemware.

Learn a new skill

In preparation for a recent trip to Paris, my wife and I were dedicated to learning conversational French. We never learned more than a few phrases, but the experience is something we will never forget. It was hilarious stumbling over every other word. I personally enjoyed trying to impress her by having, albeit short, conversations with the locals. Discover something you both want to learn or do together and go for it. Here are some examples:

• A new language
• Tennis
• Scuba diving
• Horseback riding
• Playing chess
• Gardening
• Antiquing
• Build something
• Repainting or remodeling the house

The Death of Romance

Smartphones are the death of romance. Any of the wonderful activities mentioned above will be instantly ruined if someone is on their phone. Checking Twitter or Instagram when you should be focused on your sweetheart should result in your hand being cut off (figuratively, I think). Keep your phones as far away as possible. I know how difficult this can be. I run my own business, and when I am shooting a film, there is literally fifty things going on at once and everyone needs an immediate answer. Find time to check out for an hour, two or three. Shut it down after 9:00 pm, if possible. You can do it, just figure it out. Your baby deserves it.